9th entry - My Parents (part 1)

My Dad

“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” (Exodus 20: 12; Deuteronomy 5:16)

I love my parents. To an only child, his parents may be his sole source of support, both emotionally and physically. I do not have grandparents or aunties or uncles or even cousins I could count on when I needed advice or help of any kind. Before I began to find my own friends in the world, my parents, especially my mother, were my only friends. There was a period when I was finding my own way without my parents being involved in the process. As I grew more mature (or less rebellious), I began to understand my parents more and love them more deeply. Our relationship became stronger, even when put through some severe testing. Yet I have often wondered whether I have obeyed God’s commandment to honor my parents, and what I should do to honor them. In the first place, what the heck is “honor”??

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My parents are “down-to-earth”, pragmatic folks. They do their best to earn a decent income to support the family, and they try their best to care for each other and their child. They have realistic hopes for their child – to become a good person and to do well in life. Besides occasionally enjoying a “value-for-money” meal at a “mid-range” restaurant, traveling abroad on budget tour packages, and buying some nice clothes (like during a sale promotion at a department store), my parents do not have any hobbies. All they do is watch television. My dad buys lottery more regularly than his bowel movements, and that is more a habit than a hobby. Perhaps a hobby is a luxury that they had given up ever since I came to this world.

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My dad was born into a middle-class family in Indonesia. My grandfather was involved in business and the family was well-to-do. It has been said that a family fortune seldom lasts 3 generations; in my paternal grandfather’s case, it did not even last one. Soon after he died, the family begun a process of disintegration that became complete after my grandmother passed away some 30 years later. My uncles and aunts were either useless bums or ungrateful brats who thought only of themselves. Fortunately my dad turned out so different from his siblings, probably because he spent most of his life away from the rest of his family.

My dad was sent to Singapore to study when he was only 12 years old. He stayed with his father’s friend and business associate, who received hefty sums of money from my grandfather in return for taking care of him. My dad used to be a spoilt kid – spending his time playing hooky and indulging himself in every hedonistic pleasure that he could have access to and get away with. After grandfather passed away, my dad, who was already a young adult at the time, suddenly discovered that he needed to fend for himself. His mother was too busy dealing with problems at home and she did not have a chance to visit him. Things changed dramatically for my dad. For a start, he had to find a means of supporting himself. Having screwed up his education (he was never interested in academic subjects anyway), my dad decided to take up an apprenticeship at an electronic goods repair shop. He learnt the skills of the trade quickly and gradually earned enough to have a comfortable living. He even had money to acquire a second-hand car, which played a significant role in his early romance and led somewhat to his fateful meeting with my mom – an event that changed his life forever.

Throughout his life, my dad believes only in himself, never trusting others. He also believes in learning through experience, either by himself (a preferred choice) or by reading books that record the experiences of others (only when the first option is impossible or infeasible). He is prideful and not always truthful in his words, but one could tell that he always had the best of intentions. He is reliable, trustworthy and patient – he seldom loses his temper. In short, my dad was essentially a good man, in spite of all his faults.

My dad tried to be the best that a father can be, according to what he thinks a father should be: someone who provides for his family, always puts his family before himself and others, and never leaves his family or does anything to threaten family unity and harmony. My dad was the perfect “oriental father” – the head of the household; the handyman in the house who could solve any problem; the one who is responsible for “bringing home the bacon” and who is not expected to involve himself with details in the son’s personal life and household matters; and the one who dispenses sound advice that the family is supposed to follow unquestioningly at all costs. However, my dad also exhibits some elements of the ideal “western father” model: he cooks for the family during his days off; he does household chores like ironing and laundry; he makes himself available for his family no matter how busy he might be; and he devotes his time entirely to his family (in the “oriental model”, the father can go out to have his own fun, which includes drinking with friends and womanizing, once the obligations to his family have been fulfilled). His only passtime is buying lottery. One of his greatest wishes was to go to Las Vegas, the gambling den of America, and he finally got his wish in 2005 (the photo of my dad above was taken in Las Vegas along the famous Downtown).

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In Part 2 I will be writing about my mom ... and what a wonderful mom I have! :-)