4th entry - On Friends and Friendship (part 2)

Before I begin, I just want to thank 3 friends for viewing my Blog, especially one fellow Blogger who left me a comment and the other two (one of whom gave me the inspiration to start my Blog in the first place) who I deeply appreciate for your verbal/email comments. Thank you for your encouragement and I hope you will continue to lend me your support! :-) I've added my pic in the Blog (tried to upload my own picture in the profile but wasnt successful) in case any of my wonderful guests want to know how I look like. (Hope you didnt have a full meal, in case you feel like throwing up)

Continuing my previous entry on friends and friendship, I would like to mention some very wonderful people in the present entry on the same subject, some of whom have played an instrumental role in shaping my life. (Sounds serious, doesnt it? Hee ... ) This entry is dedicated to this group of friends because of how special they are to me even though we have since drifted apart. I hope to mend the broken pieces or start afresh. There are also other friends with whom I was only beginning to know and I am sure there is a potential for us to develop further (I will write about these friends in a separate Blog entry).

In primary school, I remember some really wonderful friends who I used to spend a lot of time with. I still see some of them around, but I can't say the same for the rest. Many of them used to live near my residence (which was only a stone's throw away from the school I attended). My mom used to give tuition to some of my schoolmates, including this boy who came for tuition with his younger brother. We were the same age but we attended different classes. He was tall, good-looking, talkative and kind. Being pubescent at an early age, both of us spent a lot of time talking about sex after his tuition class at my place. I was more knowledgeable in this area because I had access to such materials (more of this in a separate entry) and I was enthusiastic in sharing my knowledge with him. We had even explored masturbation together. On several occasions I told my protective mom that I wanted to send him downstairs but then we would run off to some deserted staircase at our apartment block to jack off together. There was once I sucked him off too (I remembered that we were both very anxious that we would be discovered but our raging hormones and the desire for pleasure overwhelmed our fear).

On hindsight, I think I was too young then to understand anything about homoeroticism and homosexuality (I was only 10 or 11 years old) and we were merely seeking pleasure as innocent little rascals. Years later, we went to separate secondary schools and never kept in touch since then. I had other friends too but I was never close to them. Regrettably, I was too young then to understand the value of friendship.

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Two friends I met in secondary school later became been my first "best friends". In fact, we even travelled together with another classmate to Hong Kong and China (Beijing) in Fall 1992. One was a Hong Konger, a brilliant lad who got a scholarship to study his Cambridge O'levels in Singapore. The other was a Malaysian, an intelligent lass who had been studying in Singapore since primary school.

The 3 of us met together in Secondary 3 (most of us were 15 years old then), and became good friends due to our ability to understand each other very well. I was initially closer to the Hong Konger. We even had a big quarrel once over a school project that we did together, but we cared so much for one another and felt so miserable staying angry with one another that we soon made up and forgave one another. After our O Level exams we planned a holiday together - I travelled to Hong Kong with my Malaysian friend and another Singaporean classmate to meet up with my Hong Konger friend, and then from there we made our way to China together.

Our friendship was tested severely during the trip. The Singaporean classmate literally went bonkers because she missed home, and she started to get on everyone's nerves, especially my poor Malaysian friend who shared a room with her on the trip. I was also having health problems, which strained my relationship with my Hong Konger friend who had a naturally short fuse but still tried very hard to take care of me patiently and lovingly. Fortunately our relationship got stronger after the trip and we still maintained regular contact with each other even though we went to separate junior colleges for our Cambridge A Levels, but it was regretted that I never became his confidant. He was more mature for his age than I was, and I think he did not feel comfortable sharing anything personal or deep with me. To him I was always a "silly little brother". ;-))

On the other hand, my friendship with my Malaysian friend deepened tremendously after the trip, as she confided in me about the problems she was facing with her family back home. I felt so sorry for her that she had no-one to turn to and had to bear the burden all by herself. We lost touch with her after I went to the army, and I last heard from her when she was in the United States studying Medicine at University of Chicago. Interestingly, my Hong Konger friend also went to University of Chicago (to my knowledge, they did not plan to do so but decided independently of each other) to read Asian studies(?) and Chemistry. I think they might have met up while they were studying there but I couldnt be sure. My last email with my Hong Konger friend was sent during my first year in National University of Singapore (NUS) - I had only just started learning to use email then - and he was considering a post-graduate degree or career but till now I am uncertain what his decision was. I only wished that they would somehow read this Blog and get in touch with me ... :'( ... If only they knew how greatly I missed them.

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As I mentioned in my second Blog entry, I never enjoyed my life at junior college, but at least my greatest blessing was meeting my best friend for the longest time. He was a fellow librarian who was rostered for duty on the same days as I was, but both of us ended up resigning from the library more or less at the same time. He was sensible, kind, helpful, humble, humorous and cheerful. We used to hang out at arcade game centres and various parts of the school to chit-chat. We also studied Economics together. During our days in the army, we maintained regular contact. We studied the same course in the same university, and even joined the same club together. Although we had our separate circle of friends and our tutorial classes were often different, we were still able to meet up regularly. Both of us graduated one semester ahead of our cohort and found employment at around the same time. Even after we started work we still maintained regular contact.

His romance did not come as a shock to me because he mentioned it a couple of times in passing - "I got to know a nice girl at my workplace" - but his wedding did, even though, knowing his character, the speed was totally consistent with his "chop-chop" style (he likes to do everything fast - from eating to showering ... you name it). While not totally unexpected, I felt it was too sudden because I didnt know this girl and I didnt have a chance to let him know whether I felt he was good enough for him. And I thought my opinion would matter to him because to me he was my best friend - maybe to him I wasnt. After he got married, we did not have much of a chance to meet up.

To be honest, I think I was partly to blame, because I didnt make much effort to keep in touch with him and his wife. However, with all honesty in spite of the time we spent together, I never felt that I was his confidant. He rarely shared even his tiniest fears or insecurities or problems seriously with me (you can forget about deeper feelings because if he ever had them I wouldn't know), and I never felt that he needed me for anything - he was like this self-sufficient, totally dependable Seven-11 shop where nothing ever goes wrong and everything is perfect. Call me petty but deep down I never got over the fact that I was not as important to him as he was to me. I had since forgiven him in my heart because I love him dearly as my friend but I wished at least that back then he could open up and let me into his world. Now that he has a wife, I guess this is probably never going to happen. I can only hope, though, that there is a chance of reconciliation, as no-one can ever replace the special place that he has in my heart.

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In the army, I started off with lots of ideals - becoming an army officer with lots of responsibilities, becoming a man of valour to bring honour to my country, and becoming a man who was tough and physically/combat fit. All my ideals turned into whimsical fancies by the end of the first 5 months, during which I was hospitalised twice for heat exhaustion during training and I became disillusioned about the military. However, in my darkest hours I found Jesus Christ through a caring fellow brother who was enlisted at the same time as I. He was an intelligent, cheerful, helpful and kind guy, and he brought me to his church in Bukit Timah where I accepted Christ and began my early discipleship. We went to different combat units after the initial "boot camp" phrase of our enlistment and we couldnt see each other regularly in church because he worked shifts. Nevertheless, we still maintained contact up to university. For a while we were very close - sharing our deepest concerns and problems with one another, giving encouragement and support. However, I guessed we must have drifted apart when we became caught up with school projects. I am eternally grateful God for sending him to me to share the gospel with me and ministering to me - he was like an angel to me.

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In my university days, friends come and go with each new lecture and tutorial group that I attended. All of us needed to get to know each other in the class quickly so as to build rapport but always with a very specific goal in mind i.e. to be the best project team in the class. Amidst the fierce competition and bitter rivalry, I was blessed to know some good friends. One of them was a particularly hardworking and highly motivated lady who taught me the importance of staying focussed on my goals and pressing on towards them even when "the going gets tough". She was not only a "mentor" but also a friend, as she had confided in me some very personal things that one only shared with close friends. She was a perfectionist but not to the extent of being insensitive to or overly demanding on others. We took summer courses together during the long vacation and that was when we really got to know each other better. We drifted apart after graduation when we started working, but I am fairly confident that we could start over again if we put in some effort to rebuild our friendship.

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I wanted to write about my friends from work, but I realise that it was getting a little too long and hard to read, even for someone like me who is into D H Lawrence, Thomas Hardy, Charles Dickens and Leo Tolstoy. (oops) To my dearest guests, please accept my apologies for the lengthy narrative above ... :-p