5th entry - Friends at Work (part 1)

In November 2000, I faced a difficult decision. My thesis supervisor suggested that I pursue my postgraduate degree, which could lead to a career in the academia. On the other hand, my parents suggested that I apply for a salaried job. Both options seemed equally attractive, but I had to choose one over the other. Which option would be a better choice?

I never knew the answer to that question. My choice in the end was not based on logical reasoning – the careful weighing of pros and cons that I had been taught was not applied. Instead, I relied on instinct. It was the irrational fear of uncertainty and my risk-averse nature that made me give up an opportunity to sharpen my intellectual mind and become a member of the academic elite of the “ivory tower”.

I started working in early February 2001 at a government agency. In my first posting that lasted slightly over 2 years, I had the privilege of working with some wonderful people. These included my predecessor, the co-workers in my section, some colleagues in other sections, and some colleagues in other government agencies.

My predecessor, “LK”, is a terrific lady to hang around with. LK is friendly, intelligent, sensitive and very chatty. When she had to show me the ropes, she did so patiently and willingly. In fact, she literally “took me by the hand” for nearly 3 weeks(!), diligently trying to cover all the important aspects of my responsibilities. I think I was very blessed to have LK as my predecessor because most predecessors at my workplace usually did the minimum for their successors before disappearing. She even obliged my questions months into the job when I encountered some problems. On a personal level, we became good friends and even went out several times.

One particularly memorable outing was the day I participated in my first volunteering project. LK, her fiancé, one of her girl friends and I took part in the Tulip Hearts’ Day project where we helped to make and sell paper Tulips for charity. It was a hard day of toiling – I remembered that I talked myself hoarse trying to sell my Tulips. However, the reward was more than sufficient to make up for what we had to endure – the happiness I felt when I helped to make a difference in the lives of others surpassed any happiness that I ever experienced when I achieved something for myself. If not for LK suggesting that we took part in that project, I would probably not have developed an interest for volunteering; as it turned out, this interest grew and had a tremendous impact on shaping my character in subsequent years.

Two years ago, my predecessor became a proud mother of a daughter and when we met up recently to catch up on each others’ lives, I saw that she was radiant with joy despite facing problems at her present workplace. I am very happy for her and I hope she will eventually find a job that she will enjoy doing. She probably doesn’t know this but I am truly grateful to her for all that she did for me.

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During my first posting, the friendship and wealth of knowledge that my co-workers shared with me went a long way in helping me cope with the transition from student life to working life. One of my first “favorite” co-workers was “MT”, an officer who was seconded to the agency that I was working in.

MT is an inspiration to me. She is often calm, composed and confident in the midst of the most difficult of circumstances. She is also humble and generous, and often thought of others before herself. She is also demanding on herself, always pushing herself to give her very best. Her loyalty is also unquestionable. In sum, she possessed all the qualities I wished I had!

MT and I often had to stay late back at the office to finish up our work. She and I sat next to each other and she always lent me a patient listening ear and gave me the comforting and reassurance that I needed every time I got a scolding from my boss. We often sought each others’ opinions about solving work problems – I gave her a different perspective to help her cover as many considerations as possible (yes, she is always very meticulous and careful in her work), while she gave me sound advice on approaching problems. During lunchtime, she often drove out (“for fresh air”) and brought me (and a few others) along with her, and I enjoyed those outings immensely because I don’t go out often in my spare time.

Unfortunately, our working relationship was rather short-lived, as MT returned to her parent agency only a few months after I started work. Recently we organized an outing with LK and another colleague (I will talk about her in a while) and had a lot of fun catching up and reminiscing the “old days”. And did I mention that MT was very pretty? ;-) Too bad she is happily married … :-D

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MK’s successor, WK, is the friendliest and chattiest guy I had ever known. He is the sort of guy who really knows the art of making conversation, but is not to be confused with the kind often known as the “social butterfly”. When he starts a conversation topic, he is almost always sincere and this makes people warm up easily to him. Most people will feel totally comfortable and easy around him, and he gives people a warm, fuzzy feeling when he engages them. If you hear his laughter, you will automatically want to laugh with him.

To closer friends he can talk for hours, stopping only to eat or go to the toilet. The only problem is he will be difficult to interrupt once he gets going (unless he loses interest first, in which case he will find a usually lame excuse to move on and then later make it into a joke with his friends about how awkward the situation was). No matter how boring you think your interests might be, you only had to tell him about it and let him turn it into the most fascinating hobby or whatever that the world had ever known; in fact, you might like your own hobby even more after he’s done exercising his charm! Coupled with his natural sense of curiosity, his ability to charm the socks off people makes him an ideal person to be with whenever you need an ego booster – he will ask you about anything and everything, and make you feel good about them. He is also incredibly persuasive – and he uses all sorts of emotional stratagems to achieve his target. Too bad he didn’t go into the sales line – he would have made a fortune with his gift of the gab!

WK and I used to go to the gym and play badminton together in the recreation centre located within our office building. Together with some other co-workers and colleagues, we also spent a lot of time outside of work. In fact, he was the one who taught me how to play Pool. We went to this place at Katong that had cheaper hourly rates and over the game he will think up an endless stream of conversation, usually with another co-worker who was closer to him than I was. He enjoyed company, and always made it a point to include everybody we know, even when he didn’t really mean it.

I always felt that he held a deep sense of insecurity because he was usually secretive about his private life. In my memory he only opened up to me once, to talk about his love life. Honestly, I don’t think he deals with his own emotions and personal life very well. After his marriage, he never talks about the relationship or shared any of his personal views with me. I’ve always felt that this was regrettable but I know such things either just happen or will never happen. In our case I think that it’s the latter. Nevertheless, WK is a great guy and I’ll always love him as a friend.

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Another co-worker, JL, is one of the most sensible and sophisticated women I had ever known. Apart from being kind, helpful, confident and intelligent, she has excellent “people skills”. She knows exactly what she wants and has no doubts about her strengths and abilities, which she always uses to achieve her goals.

A post-graduate degree holder from one of the top schools in the world and a gifted speaker and writer, JL is a born thinker; in fact, I see her as being one of the most influential thinkers in Singapore after LKY provided that she is given the space she needs to shine. One problem for her is that she cannot stand people who don’t respect her – which meant that you definitely wouldn’t want to be in her way! Another problem is that her astute sharpness and bold frankness, which to me are 2 of her best qualities, often rubs people (especially prideful people) the wrong way.

Although JL usually doesn’t like to get involved in conversation involving emotional stuff like personal relationships, she can be very understanding and patient as a listener, giving a little bit of advice here and there to enlighten the suffering soul. After my second break-up, she helped me sort out my thinking and put things clearly in perspective, which I would never have the ability to do on my own due to my inexperience (ahem!). In sum, she is a wonderful person to go to if you need someone to talk to. She will not patronize you, but instead she will sympathize and reason with you (if you are at the right state of mind at the time to be reasoned to).

In my opinion, JL and WK make a terrific couple, but I guess some things in life you cannot really tell. Whenever we go out together, they will somehow end up withdrawing into a sub-world of their own, and become totally absorbed in exclusive conversation. They understand each other very well, and at least I know JL cared a lot for WK (probably not in a romantic sort of way, even though WK seemed to think so at one time). JL told me once that she wouldn’t mind being single all her life, especially when life is such that no suitable person comes her way. I agree with her, but little did I realize that her view had a significant and profound impact on how I began to view love relationships.

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One of my favorite co-workers is my “Godma”, BK. Already a proud grandmother, she remains actively involved in her family. She is also active in the community, leading a grassroots women’s group. BK is a fantastic organizer of outings, and her network of contacts is simply remarkable. It is amazing to me how she manages to live her life to the fullest in spite of her age!

I will always remember her fondly for helping to organize activities in the office to build a sense of camaraderie for everyone. She started a recreational line dancing class that later spurred me on to take up more serious line dancing, which enable me to discover and experience the pleasure of this social activity. She brought a group of us on an unforgettable trip to a “kelong” or fishing resort in Indonesia – all of us had so much fun with banana boat rides (a first for me) and kayaking, and we stuffed ourselves silly with the fresh catches of the day cooked to perfection by the skillful culinary hands of the resort’s resident chef. Even after I left the section, we tried to keep in touch and she will organize our gatherings at delightful restaurants so that all of us enjoyed lots of fun and good food.

Her devotion to her family, however, is what I admired most about her. In spite of her busy schedule, she always placed her family as her top priority. As a teen, she was already bearing the heavy burden of caring and bringing up all her younger siblings because her parents died early and she was the eldest. Later, she had to worry about her husband and 2 children, especially her son who gave her more problems. Anyone would be proud to have a super mom like her! Her one major fault is her fiery temper (which she never directed to me by the way, thankfully), which can intimidate the timid and offend the petty, but the silver lining is that she gets over her anger quickly.

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Another co-worker, CN, is to me the most fascinating person in our office. She is usually quiet and reserved. Her manner is often gentle and lady-like, but in a rather simple, country-girl sort of way as opposed to the sophisticated and posh “lady-like”-ness of socialites. She is serious and diligent at work. The only problem with her is nobody really knows what she is thinking most of the time, as she always seemed to be absorbed in her own little parallel universe. This unfortunately makes her the butt of nasty jokes in our office, in which her unfathomable (a politically correct term for “weird” or “bizarre”) behavior forms the main theme and everyone’s unkind interpretations and comments form the comedy.

From my personal interaction with her, CN can and will open up to people eventually, provided they try to see things from her perspective. I think she is as normal as any other person, but she is often misunderstood because she lacks social skills. She is also naturally shy and lacking in confidence. This made communication quite a challenge for her, especially in a harsh and unforgiving world where first impressions often stick with people and everyone is quickly and superficially stereotyped whether we liked it or not and whether the stereotype is accurate or otherwise. I have found her to be a kind and loving daughter and sibling, and someone who was independent and sensible. She also has hidden talents, such as in painting.

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I realize that this is another extremely wordy entry, and for that I apologize again to my guests reading this Blog. I seek your forbearance, as I still have yet to finish writing about my co-worker/colleague friends – this will continue in Part 2.