19th entry - Reflections on my Easter Weekend

Good Friday (14 Apr) is now celebrated as Christian festival to observe the day that Jesus Christ, the Son of God and Saviour of mankind, was crucified. On Easter Sunday (3 days after Jesus' death), Christians celebrate the resurrection of the King - the Lion and the Lamb. This festival is important as a reminder that our Lord sacrificed Himself for us so that we did not have to pay the penalty for our sins. This festival commemorates God's ultimate act of grace - and Love - for His people.

Christ's death and resurrection fulfilled the earlier prophecies and God's promise for the salvation of mankind. For Christians, the festival not only held the memory of the death of an important deity but also the remembrance that only by His death could the divine promise be fulfilled: that those who believe in Christ Jesus would not perish but have eternal life. On this account, Good Friday can be considered as one of the most important festivals for Christians. Symbolically, Christians can only walk in their new, sinless lives in Christ, purified by the blood of Jesus, after they have died to their old, sinful lives and nailed them to the Cross.

For others, Easter is just a festival to mark the Spring season and feast on chocolate Easter bunnies and eggs (see the Easter Story). For me, Easter held another important memory. It was the beginning of a new journey with God.

One year ago (2005), I attended the Easter Sunday service at a Methodist church near where I live. Prior to this, I had been agonising over the prospect of going back to church on Sundays, after having been a "backslider" for several years. I had been used to the idea of spending my Sundays at home with my mother (my dad usually worked on Sundays as his day off was typically on Mondays). Disrupting my comfortable schedule was hardly something I had looked forward to.

After reading the book, The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren (which was given to me by a Christian friend of mine), however, I felt a desire to start attending church regularly again. Coincidentally, the church I had chosen to attend was on the verge of embarking on the Purpose Driven Life study series for small groups. I couldnt help but feel that the timing of my decision to return to church was timely and Spirit-led, not least because I was most reluctant to do so. There were at least 3 reasons for this: my previous relationship, my work and my own inertia.

I had moved to my current residence in Nov 2003, and not long after that I discovered this Methodist church. At the time, I was still attached to my ex, who used to be a staunch Buddhist but later stopped practising the faith. Similarly, I had also stopped attending church regularly after our relationship started in Aug 2002. We decided to put aside our differences in religious faiths to concentrate on our building our year-old relationship. I knew my ex did not like Christians or Christianity in general but yet chose to be with me because "love was blind". If I continued to attend church and became actively involved in church activities I knew this would create friction with my ex, so to avoid this, I dismissed the thought of checking out the church.

My previous job was another obstacle. Working hours were long and often included Sundays even though I wasnt paid for extra time. It was all right then, because I was finding it a challenge to meet deadlines and getting a kick out of churning out reports that were well-received by management. In a sado-masochistic sort of way, I was "enjoying" the process of working extra hours - the adrenalin rush of deadlines and drive to write better reports motivated me like a narcotic drug - plus the fact that people were praising me for working hard and in a way I was being recognised for it. I told myself - by giving my best at work, enjoying it and putting passion into it, am I not also worshipping God?

In contrast with my ex and my job, inertia was a much subtler factor that I did not realise until I was confronted with it. On one hand, I was already getting tired of going to the mall on Sundays with my mum. On the other hand, I was enjoying my mum's company and keeping my mind off my ex, with whom I was beginning to experience doubts. I could sleep late on Sundays, enjoy a relaxing breakfast with my mum, go out with friends if they were free, or go for some exercise, or view my favourite Japanese anime. Moreover, my memory of the days when I attended church regularly was not particularly pleasant: long and boring services followed by meaningless superficial exchanges with fellow church-goers. I had very little motivation to change my comfortable Sunday schedule.

Yet, in spite of all the aforesaid, I went that fateful Sunday in 2005, and to my greatest surprise, experienced tremendous exhilaration. I felt that the church members were close-knit, and warm and friendly. The church appeared well-organised and Spirit-filled. I experienced a closeness with God that I had never experienced before. Encouraged, I began to get really involved in church - serving in the prayer and ushering ministry, joining cell group activities and reading the bible more regularly. My spiritual maturity started to develop faster than I ever did before.

This Easter, I attended a different church. I was happy at the Methodist church, but I felt that I never truly belonged there. The saddest part was not about leaving behind my so-called church friends - it was the realisation that they were only accepting me for who they thought I was and not who I really am. This year (2006), I found the church where I am accepted for my true self, not someone I pretend to be. Praise be to God!

I also found someone to share my life with. S and I also met at the beginning of 2006. On Friday afternoon, I went to S's place where we made tender love almost immediately after I arrived at the apartment. Then we went out for dinner and came back to continue our intimate moments. On Saturday morning, we took a late breakfast and went out to swim at our recreation club. Afterwards, we went back S's place to rest before going shopping in town. We came home exhausted, and fell asleep in each others' arms. Next morning, I attended church with my friend KC. We went swimming after the Easter service and later S joined us for lunch. S and I then went to a warehouse sale to buy new bedsheets and a mattress protector for our new bed (see previous entry).

It was a enjoyable, special long Good Friday weekend for me.