21st entry - Alanis Morissette MTVs

In the 1990s, when I was serving national service, I used to listen to Jagged Little Pill on the long bus journey way to camp in the mornings and evenings when going home. Her songs make me ponder at the way my life was going, especially when everything is going hay-wired... And I'd be thinking to myself - what the f**k did I do wrong this time?!

I love the song Ironic...



Basically, it tells me not to be too disappointed or bitter when things dun turn out in life the way they oughta. And her song Hand in my pocket tells me, Hey, its ok! Be happy! :-) in spite of everything, just be happy...



... and when I have calmed down, I listen to the wise advice in You Learn...



Gosh i miss those songs... so nostalgic to listen to them again after 10 years!!!

20th entry - Finding Someone to Love - Again

After going through the heartache of a breakup only a few months ago, and experiencing 3 failed long-term relationships, I didnt expect to find the courage to start looking for someone to fall in love with - at least, not so soon. The fear of going through the same cycle of courtship, going steady, encountering problems, and finally breaking up, is rather daunting for me.

In life, I've come to expect the unexpected... and yes, I found someone to love - again.

About a month and a half ago, I started "dating". It was more with the objective of getting myself a distraction to overcome the loneliness and emptiness within me, arising from the breakup. I thought, well, if I do find someone who may be compatible, then good, if not, then the dating process itself gives me something to look forward to on weekends. Besides, I had no lack of distractions - re-igniting my passion for watercolor, re-engaging in my routine of swimming and jogging on alternate days, hanging out with friends I care about and whom I am close to, and discovering new interests like cooking as a group and trying recipes that I've never tried before. In short, I didnt consider myself to be "desperately seeking".

Two close friends of mine introduced me to 2 of their friends, and we went on group dates. Initially it was really awkward for me to be dating someone again. I didnt know what to do, and my self confidence was totally absent. Both my dates turned out to be uninterested in me, but fortunately one of them is now someone I consider to be a friend (at least we still keep in touch). Although my friends tell me to take it easy - you wont find someone so easily, etc - I was a little demoralized and concerned about my "market value" depreciating day by day, and even fearful that I would end up being single for the rest of my life.

One day, I decided to put up a personal ad, hoping to meet some nice people who may turn out to be someone I would fall in love with. The ad was simple and specific, and to avoid attracting people who were only going for certain types of looks, etc I included a recent photo of myself. Soon, replies came in, and I excitedly corresponded with those who responded to it. I was thrilled that most of the people who responded all seemed really serious about having a real long-term relationship with someone like me (based on what I described). Eventually, I chatted with some of them and arranged to meet them. I was terribly nervous at first. To make matters worse, I injured my ankle from jogging and it restricted my mobility. Yet in spite of all this, I managed to have an amazing time!

One of my dates, H, turned out to be the most compatible with me among the rest, and we began dating seriously. I was initially determined to let nature take its course with regard to the pace at which our relationship was developing. In the past, I guess I was too eager to "make things work" with my ex-es too early in the relationships and ended up ignoring a lot of warning signs that the relationships could not work out. While I know that its usually very difficult to find "a perfect fit" and effort needs to be put in to make relationships work, I discovered from past experience that if the differences between 2 people are too great, the strains in the relationship will inevitably lead to a breakup. So, I told myself - take it easy! kekekekee.....

Yet, as Alanis Morisette sings in You Learn (1995), life has a funny way of sneaking up on you... hehehhee........


On our first date, H and I hit it off really well. We spent a whole afternoon together at the Botanical Gardens, serenaded by the beauty of nature while enjoying a romantic picnic. In the evening, we made love for the first time, and it was magical! A few days later we went on our 2nd date, and decided to travel to Bangkok together in the following week. It was either a "Make It" or "Break It", and thankfully, the trip turned out to be fabulous (at least for me)! It was much more pleasurable for me than the past two Bangkok trips that Ive had. After the trip, H and I decided to date each other exclusively.

I'm excited about what the future holds for me and H. Even though life can be unexpected and many things can go wrong, I'm grateful to the Lord Almighty for the chance to meet someone who I can and want to learn to love, and cherish. Already, I know my heart is falling for H, and I already perceive H to be someone I can spend the rest of my life with. H has many qualities that are desirable and hard to come by, and the chemistry that we have is incredible considering the short time that we have known one another. H is also reciprocative towards me, and I think we are progressing at a comfortable pace together.

Well - who knows what the future will hold for us? Only God knows... que sera sera... and whatever happens, I will learn something from it, I guess.

H is a big fan of Josh Groban, and this is one of the best you-tube recordings that I've found so far. Ti amore ... this is for you!