15th entry - A breakup
Just like the relationships I had before, I thought the one with S will last... Unfortunately it was my wishful thinking.
I saw it coming, when our intimacy became non-existent. In the last half a year, our phone calls became part of a routine, and sometimes even an annoyance. Whenever we met up on weekends, there would hardly be any tenderness. S told me it was part of a duty, an obligation, a carrying-out of responsibility, and S said that this was an expression of "love" - why else do something for me and not anybody else.
Truth is, I dont know who else S has been showing the "love" to. S told me that in the last half a year, S found several partners to have sex with. Some of the partners were even total strangers (ONS) and random encounters, and it didnt matter if the partner was totally not attractive. Such partners were able to fulfill S's sexual needs better than I could.
I was heartbroken and disappointed and angry. Even if S was acting all this time, I could not have known. S told me once that I was "S-T-U-P-I-D"... S could not have been more right.
Actually I am partly to blame too. About 1 year plus ago I confessed my betrayal to S. It was a ONS with S's friend. Back then, I thought S accepted my apology and forgave me. I thought we moved on and our "love" grew deeper. Now I know its all a big farce. I was really "S-T-U-P-I-D" to think that anyone could be generous enough to accept a betrayal.
Anyway, its over, and I'm glad I have enough experience of such things to know that time will heal my wounds.
(S, if you ever read this, know that I dont blame you for what you did, because I am no better (or maybe worse). The best thing you could have done, which you did, was to tell me now rather than later, and wake me up from my "S-T-U-P-I-D" dream earlier. All the best to you, and may you continue to find joy in your many many partners to come. And I mean it from the bottom of my heart.)
I saw it coming, when our intimacy became non-existent. In the last half a year, our phone calls became part of a routine, and sometimes even an annoyance. Whenever we met up on weekends, there would hardly be any tenderness. S told me it was part of a duty, an obligation, a carrying-out of responsibility, and S said that this was an expression of "love" - why else do something for me and not anybody else.
Truth is, I dont know who else S has been showing the "love" to. S told me that in the last half a year, S found several partners to have sex with. Some of the partners were even total strangers (ONS) and random encounters, and it didnt matter if the partner was totally not attractive. Such partners were able to fulfill S's sexual needs better than I could.
I was heartbroken and disappointed and angry. Even if S was acting all this time, I could not have known. S told me once that I was "S-T-U-P-I-D"... S could not have been more right.
Actually I am partly to blame too. About 1 year plus ago I confessed my betrayal to S. It was a ONS with S's friend. Back then, I thought S accepted my apology and forgave me. I thought we moved on and our "love" grew deeper. Now I know its all a big farce. I was really "S-T-U-P-I-D" to think that anyone could be generous enough to accept a betrayal.
Anyway, its over, and I'm glad I have enough experience of such things to know that time will heal my wounds.
(S, if you ever read this, know that I dont blame you for what you did, because I am no better (or maybe worse). The best thing you could have done, which you did, was to tell me now rather than later, and wake me up from my "S-T-U-P-I-D" dream earlier. All the best to you, and may you continue to find joy in your many many partners to come. And I mean it from the bottom of my heart.)
posted by sunshine wallflower at 12:20 PM
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