22nd entry - Change

There is a saying that the only constant in this world is nothing ever stays the same. Change is welcomed by people in circumstances that they perceive to be really bad i.e. "It just cannot get any worse." It is interesting to see how people adjust to changes around them, regardless of whether changes are anticipated or sudden. Some adjust quickly; some don't.

I think I adjust quite well to changes, but some are not so easy to adapt to. For example, it took me several months to get really used to living in a new apartment with my parents. A year after moving, I still take a while to recall which floor my apartment is located before pressing the lift button that indicates my floor number. I also had some difficulty remembering my new telephone number and postal address.

Making the transition from singlehood to being attached is even harder, possibly due to the fact that changes involving relationships are more complex to deal with. I realise that I was spending less time at home or with my parents, as I was spending a lot of time with my beloved, S. I have less time to spare on recreational activities that I used to engage in. But the greatest challenge for me is learning to be responsible to my loved one, and learning to trust.

Recently, S and I reached a fork in the road of our 5-month relationship. S initiated a breakup with me, and asked me to consider it in light of something that S had done. S did not expect me to forgive S for what happened, as it was mostly S's fault, and felt that it was better off for me to find someone else. In short, at the end of the episode, S and I acknowledged that we still loved each other and were therefore not prepared to go our separate ways because of the incident.

The future is a great unknown, but one thing is certain is that there is bound to be change. For S and I, change will come from a desire to learn from our mistakes and move on, so that we can become more responsible to each other and earn each others' trust. If we succeed, God willing, our love will deepen and our relationship will rise to the next level. This will take time, and hopefully by the time our next crisis or challenge comes, we are more ready and prepared for it.

21st entry - My Vacation in Sydney

I spent 3 days and 2 nights in Sydney on a recent trip to Australia. It was not my first visit to the city, so I already knew what to expect in terms of its people, its cityscape, and its culture. What came unexpectedly was the feeling of loneliness I had, and how much I would have liked for my sweetheart S to be there with me.



More than 3 years ago, I visited Sydney's Aquarium, Taronga Zoo and Paddy's Market. I remembered that the Aquarium was a real waste of time and money for me because I realised only after the visit that I am not a big "fish fan". I thought I would have enjoyed the experience of being "underwater" with fishes swimming above my head and all around me, without me having to put on a diving suit or to learn diving. I guess I watched too many well-filmed documentaries over-romanticising this experience, and I'm sure that I still preferred to get myself wet and put on a snokelling mask and flippers to feel the "real thing".



As for the Zoo, well, all I can say is that there were a lot of animals, and I do mean A LOT of animals - all sorts and species of them. AND a lot of children. Noisy children with irresponsible parents who let them run wild. There were only 3 memorable things about the trip to the Zoo: how long and tedious it was for me to get there, how bizarre and disgusting it felt to watch a gorilla eat its own poo direct from anus to mouth, and how beautiful the yachts looked in the Sydney harbour from a viewing point in the zoo.



I think Paddy's Markets next to Chinatown was my favourite attraction then. I spent a good 3 hours there hunting for bargains like souvenirs and dirt-cheap toiletries selling for nearly half or 3-quarters the price of those being sold in supermarkets. But you need to jostle with busloads of locals and tourists, to be thick-skinned in bargaining, and to always keep a keen eye out for pickpockets. I also bought lots of fresh fruits and ended up having diarrhoea from gorging myself silly on large, juicy strawberries going for AUD2 (SGD2.4) a punnet.

On the recent visit, I spent a lot of time walking around on my own. From Oxford Street I walked down to Haymarket where Paddy's Markets were located and I bought lots of bargain souvenirs and body creams and fruits. In the evening I took a stroll along Oxford Street to continue my shopping but most of the fashion on sale were either not suitable (its Autumn in Australia now) or too expensive (on my last visit I had a chance to visit a factory outlet/discount store in the suburbs but not on this one). In the end I only found some raunchy adult shops that made the "Condomanias" and "Sex in the City" shops in Singapore appear more like "Kiddy Palace" (a chain store for kid's apparel and toys). Interestingly, most of the adult shops in Sydney seemed deserted - perhaps the locals preferred to get their kinky stuff through mail order or the Internet.



The next day, I took a day tour up to the Blue Mountains. The trip started off slowly, with the guide trying for an hour to round up all his customers from various parts of the city, a bit like a shepherd looking for his lost sheep. We arrived at Featherdale Wildlife Park and spent some time looking at the animals. In contrast to the Taronga Zoo, I found this more enjoyable as the focus was on Australia's unique animals. A burly male staff with a wallaby in his bag greeted us from the carpark, suggesting how close we would get to the animals there. I took a picture with a python coiled around my neck, and even managed to get really close to a sleepy koala that was scratching its butt! I also saw some animal antics in action, like an over-protective wombat trying to prevent one of the staff from cleaning out its burrow. My group then had our picnic lunch (on our own) by a bank of a scenic lake where some playful dogs were running by the side of the water and then drying their wet fur by prancing all over our lunch.



The afternoon leg of tour consisted of a steep bush walk down from Echo's point (where the breathtaking views of the Blue Mountains and the famed 3 Sisters rock formation could be seen) to almost near the bottom of the Valley. The well-informed guide was educating the group about the flora and fauna and geology and history and even folklore of the country along the way. We were also brought to a winery to sample Cabernet Sauvignon, Shiraz and port wines, some of which tasted a little funky - but I'm not a wine person, so... The last stretch was a ferry cruise down some river all the way to Circular Quay - I was sitting on the deck where the wind was chilling me to the bones causing my teeth to chatter and my body to shiver uncontrollably, but I did catch a nice view of the harbour and the posh water-side apartments along the river that the ferry snaked down on.



On the morning of the day I was supposed to fly home, I decided to check out the hotel's recreational facility on level 2 (Comfort Inn Cambridge). When I got there, it was not open so I had to get the manager to open it. After having experienced it, I understood why none of the guests in the 143-room hotel bothered to use the hotel's pathetic facilities. The pool was literally an old, ill-maintained pond only 6 metres long and 4 metre wide, and the sauna looked like a tiny, dim-lit gas chamber that had been unused for a long time (who has ever seen cobwebs in a sauna for cryin out loud?!!). The gym was a ridiculous all-in-one machine that looked like something the Japanese used to torture prisoners in World War 2. After that I checked out from the hotel and took a walk to the New South Wales Art Gallery, which turned out to be a little too crowded for my liking (I guess its because admission was free) but still rather educational for me. I was in disbelief when I saw that there were actually people queuing up to pay to view a photo exhibition by an Australian photograher - I took a peek at the exhibits through the wall partitions into paying area from the free galleries and I didnt see anything worth paying AUD5 (SGD6) for, but then beauty is in the eyes of the beholder (actually I found out later that there was supposedly an exhibition of the prestigious Archibald Prize winners)...



What really struck me was the loneliness I felt in the city walking around on my own. Although most of the time I was preoccupied with getting my bearings right (I still got lost several times even with a map in my hand), I tried very hard not to think about how much I missed my sweetheart S and wished that we were on the trip together. At night as I lay down on my bed I wondered how lovely it would be if S were sleeping next to me. I would hug the pillow tightly imagining it was S, and try in futility to hold back my tears. Whenever I heard the phone rang in the hotel I knew it was S and I would rush over to pick up the receiver, and my heart would leap in joy to hear S's sweet voice from the other side, "Kiss kiss (chuckle)...Dear, how were you today?..." My body would tremble with excitment, my knees would go weak, my heart would beat really fast, and I would end up stammering and stuttering until I eventually manage to compose myself.

Soon, S and I will be going on a trip together. I'm sure we are going to have fun, and this time I wont have to be lonely. Its one trip that I'm eagerly looking forward to! :-)